Operation Save Us All
by Agony Born From Bliss
Summary: This is a story from the "Inquisition Challenge" by Amers3. The Merry Men are tired of Stephanie going back and forth between Morelli and Ranger, so they decide to quiz Steph on her intentions towards Ranger. My first story. NOW FIXED. Babefic
1. Chapter 1

Operation Save Us All- Chapter One:

Bobby's POV

"Dude, this sucks!" I looked up from the monitor to see Ram sit in the chair next to me while nursing the bruise on his cheek. I looked at the workout clothes he was wearing, the bruise on his cheek, and then up on the screen where an angry Cuban was stalking into his office.

"I going to make a wild guess and say that after the incident last night Stephanie left with the cop, and Ranger called you to the gym." After the look I got from him I knew I struck gold.

"What was his excuse this time? We both know that Ranger has too much pride to admit that he called you down to the gym because of some woman" Was Ram actually blushing? He looked down and mumbled something. I caught a snippet of it and smiled.

"I'm sorry what was that? I didn't hear you."

He glared at me and said, "Cal stuck his foot out while I was walking in the hall, so I gave him a wedgie. Boss saw the whole thing."

I couldn't help it I laughed out loud. "WTF! What are you in kindergarten? No wonder the boss did that; imagine what would happen to the company's reputation if we all started to capture the skips by giving them wedgies." Ram gave me the glare from hell and was about to retort, but then we looked at each other and I just knew that we both had the same image of all the Rangemen barreling in looking all tuff and giving the criminals wedgies. We burst out laughing.

"That is...totally...a Stephanie...tactic" Ram wheezed out between laughs. I was cracking up to, until Stephanie's name was mentioned, and then I sobered up.

"Speaking of Stephanie what are we going to do? If boss keeps kicking my ass it will became all misshapen and stuff lose its appeal and I will lose the ladies." Ram snorted at the last comment. "Like you were having much luck anyway." I kicked him in the shin and he yelped

"Next time I'll aim a little higher."

"Geez, don't be mad at me. _I _am not the one who bruised your face to the point where your own mother wouldn't want to look at you. And I am not the one who gave you monitor duty."

I sighed and slumped my shoulders in resignation because I knew that Ram was right. Ever since this whole love triangle got even more complicated Ranger has been unbearable. He has been working us harder and has been in a mood that would put a woman with PMS to shame, it was almost pitiful. But I have been friends with Ranger for a long time and I had never seen him look at a woman the same way he looked at Steph. It kills me just as much as it kills Ranger when she goes back to the cop. Ranger is like a brother to me, and it hurts seeing someone I consider family crumbling under my eyes. We need to do something.

I looked at the screen that showed Ranger's office, he was looking at his computer but his eyes were blank.

"Gather the troops." I said to Ram without removing my eyes from the screen. "We need to come up with a plan to save all our asses. Fast."


	2. Chapter 2

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Two:

Tank's POV

I looked around the conference room and at the people who are currently in it. Ram sent out the message that Bobby wanted a meeting to discuss the curly haired problem that had been affecting all of us.

Ranger had "gone into the wind" this morning because of some problems that had risen in the Boston office, so we don't have to worry about him finding out about our little mission. He will be back in a few days though, so we have no time to waste.

I remember the look on Ranger's face when I gave him the update from Boston. I could see the stress and sadness in his eyes. Ranger may be hard to read, but he does have emotions, and they were tearing him up inside. I could tell that he was relieved to leave Trenton. Hell, everyone but Stephanie can see what her going back to the cop does to him. This "going in the wind" right now was probably a good idea. He needed to separate himself from Stephanie for a while, even though I knew it killed him to do so.

Bobby's POV

"Okay guys I called this meeting to deal with a problem we are all facing. So what do we have?"

"Uh, we got some tuna sandwiches, some egg sandwiches, and we got a couple of nutter butters in--"

"I meant plans Hal."

"Oh that, we got nothing."

This is going to be harder than I thought.

"Okay then let's just go over what we know. Lester take notes."

"Why do I have to take the notes?"

"Because you're a pain in my ass."

"I thought that was Ranger."

"No, although he is pretty damn close, no one can reach your level of ass pain."

"Yeah, I know."

"Dude, it's not really something to be proud about."

"If you were me, you'd have lots of things to be proud of."

"If I were you, I'd shoot myself in the balls, so I could never reproduce."

"You're just saying that because of that one time where--"

"Guys can we get back to business." interrupted Tank.

"What event was Lester talking about?"

"It's not important." I said quickly. If Lester says something I swear--

"Well," a very evil looking Lester said, "let's just say that it involved a banana, a fly swapper, and Bobby not being able to sit down for a week."

No one said anything.

I am going to _kill_ Lester.

"What are we doing here again?" asked Binkie.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. "I am sure we have noticed Ranger's change in behavior towards _us_, because of a certain female's behavior towards _him_." Almost every man in the room grumbled and rubbed the various bruises on their body. "And if we want this to end we have to find a way to stop Stephanie from bouncing between the cop and Ranger."

"Well if we know what to do, why are we having this meeting?" Cal asked.

"We know what to do, we just don't know how to do it."

"Why don't we just get Stephanie to dump the cop and go to Ranger?"

"Because Steph loves the cop Gene."

"But I thought she loves Ranger?"

"She loves him too."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean by that Cal?"

"I'm just wondering if how you describe Stephanie's feelings for Ranger is really love. After all the only time she seems to be "with" him is when she needs something."

"Now wait a minute." Tank said "Stephanie isn't some gold digger. She cares about Boss."

"Maybe, maybe not, but from where I am standing, Steph hasn't been real _loving_ towards Ranger."

"It's not like the same can't be said for Ranger." stated Binkie.

"Well, when you have as many morals as Ranger, there is only so much loving you can do to another man's woman." retorted Zero.

"What about Ranger, is he even really in love with her?" asked Gene

"Oh yeah," said Lester, "he is definitely in love with her. I would bet my life on that."

Everyone stopped talking to absorb this.

"Okay." Cal finally said "we know Ranger loves Stephanie, but we still haven't decided whether or not it is mutual."

I opened my mouth to assure everyone that it was, but then I stopped.

Was it?


	3. Chapter 3

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Three

Woody's POV

I watched as Bobby froze up when he was about to answer, and I couldn't blame him because there wasn't much evidence that says otherwise. It does seem like Steph hasn't really shown any love towards Ranger, and lately she seems a little more distant.

But we don't know for sure. I mean after all we are men. What the hell do we know about women?

"Look," I started "let's face it. We know next to nothing when it comes to this whole mushy, kissy, feely stuff, and unfortunately for us this mess is just getting messier. So what do we know that can help with working on with all this emotional stuff?"

"S.W.A.T."

"CIA"

"FBI"

"Jerry Springer"

"Oprah"

"Emeril"

"Dude, that's a cooking show."

"I know, I'm hungry"

"Me too"

"Hey did you see Iron Chef last night?"

"No I was watching the View"

"How can you stand to watch that it's all feminine and womanly?"

"You think I wanted to watch it? My woman made me."

"Aww, the big bad Binkie is whipped."

A few snickers were heard in the room

"Hey, at least I'm getting some Zero."

All hell broke loose. The two men stood up and got ready to fight, Tank got up to try and stop the fight, and pretty much everyone else tried to make sure it didn't end. I think I'm starting to get what Stephanie meant when she said too _much _testosterone. After a couple of minutes and things were still the same, I decided it was time to intervene. Walking over to where the fight was at, I stopped and stared at Zero and Binkie on the floor slapping each other and pulling each other's hair. I stared a few more moments and then pulled out a camera. Can you blame me? I could make a fortune if I sold this to the museum. It's not every day you come across an authentic picture of two dinosaurs fighting.

It took us a while to stop the two from slapping each other, but once the word "castration" was mentioned they pretty much went to their seats and stopped moving.

Walking back to my seat, but not sitting down in the chair I went back to business. "Now, although you all tried, you pretty much just gave us stupid and useless ideas. I still can't see how we need S.W.A.T., the CIA, or the FBI."

"Well, duh." began Lester. "this is _Bomb_shell and Ranger we are talking about. Things tend to go bad or get shot whenever it comes to Ranger's feelings, add Steph into the mix and you are bound to either have something or someone bombed. Better the Feds than us."

"True, but we still have not made a single improvement since we started this meeting an hour ago."

"Well, we know that Hal likes Oprah."

Dear God we're screwed.

"Okay, as far as I can tell the only thing we have the biggest problem on is not knowing what Steph feels about Ranger. So how do go about figuring that out?"

"I say we call Oprah and tell her our problem. She knows everything and she has a way getting you to admit your most inner feelings in front of millions of people. I think it has to do with the stare. If she put her mind to it, she can almost do the stare as good as Ranger."

"Hal, for the last time we are not calling Oprah. She doesn't want to have tea with you"

"So, then how would you get the queen of denial to admit her feelings?"

"How should I know? Do I look like a woman?"

"Why don't we try hypnotizing her?"

"No, we tried that once for Cal's birthday and ended up barking whenever we saw a mailman."

"Gene still does that you know, but then again he's been doing that long before the hypnotizing incident."

"Shut up"

"We could try shooting her with darts covered in truth serum."

"No, Ranger would kill us if we shot her."

"You make it sound like we were going to shoot her with a bullet."

"All Ranger needs to hear is the word "shot" and "Stephanie" in the same sentence and he'll go all Godzilla on your ass."

"Why don't we just ask her then?

We all paused to consider this

"My God Hector, your plan is so boring it might actually work."

The men pondered this idea and then one by one agreed that it would be their course of action.

"Does this mean I won't see Oprah?"

Oh for the love of--"No Hal, get over it already."

"Quit pouting Hal you'll get wrinkles."

"I just always wanted to meet Oprah."


	4. Chapter 4

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Four

Do you know the old saying 'When life gives you lemons make lemonade'? I do, and let me tell you it has nothing to do with my life. Instead life has had the longest grudge on me for God knows what reason. So instead of giving me some damn lemons so I can make some damn fruity juice, life decided that I would be better off with difficult choices, cars that blow up, and half ownership of a dog that is currently eating my favorite pair of shoes. Isn't life swell.

Oh yeah, I'm Stephanie Plum by the way, and unfortunately for me, if you've read the newspaper you will know that I am also known as the Bombshell Bounty Hunter...or Cupcake...or Babe. The last two are problems on their own and I get big a headache if I talk about it. I'll tell you about it later, once I get back from my vacation at Denial Land. You should try visiting there sometime, they serve great martinis and the beds are really comfortable. When I go there I rarely leave mine.

I'm pretty sure you're wondering why someone who has such cute little pet names, and who understands the true meaning of life (i.e., sleep, and shopping) could possibly see the need to go to such a place as Denial land. And me, being the magic and genius that I am wrote a list before you got here, because I knew you would ask that...and I being the idiot that I also am has also lost the list. Wait, I found it...make that Bob found it and decided it was edible enough for desert. Never mind, I'll just say it from memory.

1.) People keep disrupting my sleep.

2.) Someone keeps stealing my sweets.

3.) I don't have any money to go shopping

4.) My recent car has an unidentifiable and very questionable stain in the backseat.

5.) My pants seem tighter.

6.) My mom seems crankier

7.) My grandma is...eccentric (please don't ask me to elaborate I am still finding it hard to think of zucchini like I used to)

8.) I think my hair has somehow managed to come alive

9.) One man in my life thinks I'm crazy (the same man who dubbed me "Cupcake")

10.) Another man tends to think that I am too much trouble, I'm going to get myself killed one day, and that I was meant to marry him and bear his children

Oops, sorry 9 and 10 are the same guy. Where was I again?

11.) The actual other man has commitment issues (he's the one who calls me "Babe")

Well, so do I, but I am seeing someone that is helping me deal with that. (Okay, so maybe my therapist is a former hooker and during our sessions we are drunk. I still get points for the effort right?)

12.) I am nowhere near making the decision of a life time

13.) My job kicks my ass

Hmm, that's about it for this week, but stay tuned because I'm pretty sure that there will be more soon.

By now I am pretty sure you're wondering what exactly I am talking about, but worry no longer. My vacation has ended and I have headed back home, for a little while at least. I must go back before dinner time however, because I made plans with anger and misery for a little get together. I'd ask you to join us, but I like you and people usually stop talking to me whenever I introduce the two to them.

Anyway, as I am sure you have noticed I have two men in my life (who are both incredibly good looking). One of them is my on-and-off boyfriend and the other is my...something. I haven't really figured out that last part yet, it's related to the whole decision making problem.

As I was saying the first one, my boyfriend, is Joseph Anthony Morelli. He has been described as many things, a good cop, a pain in the ass, gorgeous, a pain in the ass, talented (I'd go into detail here, but I am not sure how many "innocent" are reading this, and I already have too much parental anger as it is), a pain in the ass, somewhat dependable, a pain in the ass, on some occasions drunk and disorderly, and let's not forget a pain in the ass.

Don't get me wrong though, as much of pain as any Morelli can be, Joe does care for me, and I am the same with him. I am also going to admit that when we are together I am content. I know that if we were married he would take care of me, so there really isn't a reason as to why I can't marry him. Except for that little voice in my head that keeps nagging my about how "content" is different than "love". *sigh* Let's just add that onto my list of problems.

The next guy I am going to talk about today is Ricardo Carlos Manoso aka Ranger aka the wizard aka batman. Ranger is the kind of guy who is all masculine, but has actions that are similar to that of a pregnant woman's mood swings. One day he is saying one thing, and the next day he is saying something completely different. Before you get any ideas, I am not calling him a hypocrite, because he is far from it. If there was one guy who stuck to his beliefs it was Ranger. It's just that he tends to send out mixed signals. For instance he says he loves me, and then he says he doesn't do relationships. One time he mentioned that he loved me "in his own way" which was later followed by the statement that his love comes with condom and not ring. And finally he said that if Morelli was out of my bed long he would be in it. Well, guess what, Morelli and I were separated once for four months. Ranger barely even talked to me during that time. After that I decided that Ranger just didn't want me.

It was also the time I decided to stop wanting things I know I could never have. No matter how much I loved the idea of it being mine and despite the fact that it hurts so much to look away.

It's time for me to go. I just got a call, anger and misery decided to show up early.


	5. Chapter 5

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Five:

**Grey Ocean  
By: Lior**

**  
Ooh, there's a grey ocean  
Ooh, it's calling me in  
I'm getting taken under  
Don't know these emotions  
Don't think I ever have  
So helplessly caught in your tide**

**Ooh, grey  
Why can't I be the simply blue sky  
Don't know where you'll take me  
Whether you'll do me harm  
Just don't leave me stranded in your arms**

**Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh**

**When I'm trying to keep my head above your charm  
Trying to stay calm  
But I don't know if I'll make it  
Or if I ever will  
Just don't leave me stranded  
Don't leave me stranded  
Don't leave me stranded in your arms**

**Grey Ocean  
Grey**

_The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed._

_-Carl Jung_

I never thought that I was a man who feared love.

But then I met Stephanie.

After that moment I became a man who lived on hope.

Hope that she can see me beyond the eyes of others. Hope that she can live everyday happy. Hope that before I go to bed at night I had made her smile. Hope that I can prove to her how beautiful she really is. Hope that I can find a way to go back in time and fix all my mistakes. Hope that I can be a better man. Hope that Stephanie is as hopelessly in love with me as I am with her.

It is because I live off of that hope though, that I feel like I am dying inside.

I am a man of many regrets and a man known of many strengths, and ever since that day in the diner I had been striving to prove to the one I love that I am just a man.

Day after day I see her, so bright, so beautiful, so happy.

But not mine.

Never mine.

She is his. She will always be his, because he makes her happy.

She loves him.

During our one night together, I could sense her hesitation. They weren't together that night, but I knew she loved him still. That is why I sent her back to him. I felt her guilt, and I knew she hated me for what I had done. I couldn't blame her, I hated myself.

It hurts me whenever she goes back to the cop; it hurts even more when I can't do anything about it. But I can't ask her to come to me. She is too good for me. To pure.

I've done some pretty damning things in my past, but that was duty. I had no choice but to follow orders given to me. That one night though, was my choice. I could have just ignored my feelings and drive home. But I couldn't do it anymore. I kept denying myself for so long that I just couldn't take it anymore. What I felt for her cannot be described in words, so I didn't say them. To be quite honest I don't think we would have been able to handle it if I did.

It doesn't matter anymore. I know that she will keep going back to him, and I am starting to accept that.

I just wish the pain would go away.

I am pretty damn lucky.

My career is progressing, Steph and I are doing pretty good in our relationship, and Bob no longer has diarrhea.

Not only that, but Manoso seems to be backing off. Now if he will just stay that way, than me and Stephanie can get somewhere in our relationship. It has taken us a while, but I think Steph has finally started to warm up to the idea of marriage. Which is great seeing as how she isn't getting any younger.

I always knew that Stephanie and I were going to be together. After all we both know each other and we both grew up in the burg. We were meant for each other. And even though my family hates her, and I can't stand her family, I am still going to marry her. And nothing is going to stop me. Not Manoso, and definitely not his stupid band of thugs.

Good thing too, because I bought a ring and I am going to ask her soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Six:

Stephanie's POV

Ever have that feeling of impending doom? You know that feeling where you're just waiting for someone to pop out of bush, throw you over their shoulder, and toss you into the back of a van?

I didn't. And that might explain why I _am_ currently in such a situation.

I really can't understand how these things happen to me. My day started out normal enough. I woke up, took care of mother nature. Then when I was done with that I gave Rex a few grapes and started to leave for the office. But, just as my luck would have it, once I was a few feet from my car, a find my head covered in a bag and my ass now sore from sitting on some odd shaped object.

I hate my life.

"Oh God, Ranger is going to kill us when he finds out about this."

Wait I minute, I know that voice.

"Zero?"

Yeah Steph?"

What the hell is going on here?

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

"Relax Steph, we won't hurt you, Cal stop hyperventilating, and Gene...are you drunk?"

"N...hic...no?"

"My God, Gene why the hell did you decide to get wasted _now_?"

"There was...hic...no damn way...hic...I could... hic...do this...hic...sober."

Thunk.

What was that?

"Uh Lester. I think Gene just passed out."

"Are you serious? That pansy only had three beers? This is just great. First we couldn't do this with him sober, and now we can't even do this with him drunk!"

"Hello! Anyone gunna tell me what is going on? And you know you can take this bag off of my head I know who you are?"

"Okay, Steph we'll tell you what's going on, and we'll take off the bag, but only under one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to promise you won't bite me again."

"Hey, that was under excruciating circumstances and you were being a pain in the ass"

"She's got a point there Lester."

"Shut up. How was I supposed to know that it was her donut?"

"Uh, the fact that she wrote a note saying it belonged to her."

"Dude, I'm gorgeous. Why would I need to read?"

"Will someone take this damn bag off?!"

"Fine, geez. No wonder your skips run away from you. You scream like a banshee."

The bag was removed from my head, and I took a moment to look around.

Tank was driving the van with Zero next to him in the passenger seat. Gene was across from me passed out on Cal's lap and sucking his thumb. Lester was sitting next to me and he looked amused...so I leaned over and bit him, hard.

"YEOW!!! Damn it Stephanie, I swear you were a rabid poodle in a previous life!"

I bit him again.

"OW! See Cal, that is exactly why we should have brought the muzzle."

I glared at him...then I bit him again

"Steph stop that or I am putting the bag back on."

I contemplated this for a moment.

"Fine, I'll stop if you tell me what is going on."

He looked at me for a moment to see if I was telling the truth. Seeing that I was serious he started talking.

"Okay. Steph you being with the cop is starting to become a major pain in our asses."

"I don't see how my relationship has anything to do with you."

"Will you let me finish woman! Anyway, we all know that Ranger likes you-" I opened my mouth to object. "Don't deny it Steph you know it's true. What you don't know is that Ranger takes his frustration and rejection out on us."

Huh?

"And what we would all like is for it to stop. In order to do that though, you need to stop your little tango of two loves. Well we're actually not so sure about the whole love concept. That is actually one of the main problems."

"Lester, I don't understand what--"

"Don't worry your curly head Beautiful, you'll understand soon enough."

"But-"

"Shh."

"I--"

"Shh."

"Wha--"

"Zip it."

....

I bit him again.


	7. Chapter 7

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Seven:

Stephanie's POV

Oh Lord.

Oh Lordy Lordy Lord

I am so screwed. Actually I am way past screwed and on my way to hell, and you can be damn sure that I am not going alone. I am going to make every single one of those Merry Men pay for this. They will wallow in the force of my anger and beg for mercy. But will I give them said mercy? I think not. You better beware boys, cause I got a Grandma Mazur and I know how to use it. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...or denied donuts.

Where are they anyway? After the drive to where ever we are, (Lester put the bag back on my head when the biting turned to kicking. Well after a certain kick...but it was funny. I never knew a man could sing soprano like that.) I was then handcuffed to a chair in a small room with just a table and a mirror. It is just a guess but I think I'm in an interrogation room.

"Wow Steph, your obvious deductions still surprise me to this day." It came from behind the mirror so that means they are watching me, the sickos.

"Shut up Lester you overgrown Neanderthal."

"Come on Steph I know you can do better than that, remember I was there when your little monthly friend visited."

Just you wait Lester, you're going to wake up one day with a little old woman hovering above you and no one will hear your screams...hehehe.

"Steph...what's with the smile?...Steph?...Beautiful?...oh shit."

"Oh shit is right Santos, but I'll deal with you later. Now I want you to tell me _what the hell is going on_!"

"I told you, we are here to interrogate you on your relationship problems in hopes that we can stop getting our asses kicked."

Geez, he makes it sound like it is actually normal.

"Uh, aren't you supposed to be in the room with me?"

"Yeah, like I'm falling for that again. Also, no offence Steph, but you hair looks like it might attack me."

"I think it is better if you are in here Lester. I feel a little stupid talking to a wall." Plus it will make it easier for me to try and set your head on fire with my mind.

........

...........

..............

"Fine, but I am bringing a tranquilizer gun just in case."

A moment later, I see Lester slowly enter the room with the tranquilizer. Right before the door closed though I got a good view of some of the Merry Men outside with something akin to fear on their faces. I wonder what's got them scared. I know my hair can get freaky, but it isn't _that_ bad. I twisted my body to look in the mirror (It was to my right). _Holy bat shit!!!_ I almost bit off my tongue trying not scream. I looked like a poodle that has been repeatedly electrocuted and then left in the most humid environment, just right after it was plucked with an afro pick. And that is just my hair. My face was pale with dark circles around my eyes (slight trouble in the falling asleep department, but I get some help from my friends tequila and margarita. They sing me lullabies and make the room spin so I can pass out.)

Damn, if there is one thing I can do good, its make the bride of Frankenstein look like Miss America.

"Okay Steph," said Lester as he sat down across from me, "Let the interrogation begin."

For the first time in my life, I actually want someone to shoot me.

Lester's POV

"Okay Steph let's just go over the facts here first. You are dating the cop, you work with Ranger, and you have "feelings" for both...Hmm, yeah that about covers it."

"Lester, there is way more than that"

"Like what?"

...

"Beautiful, the whole point of this thing is for us to get answers, so answer the damn question."

"I don't have to. You have no right invading my privacy like this. Whatever goes on in my life is my problem and guess what it doesn't involve you or anyone"

"You're wrong Stephanie, this involves me...I mean us- all of us- more than you think."

...

"Steph, we all love you, and we want to help. In order to do that though you need to help us. I'm not asking you your favorite sex position, that can wait till we are in a more private setting." I gave her a grin, and did a little mental dance when she gave me a little grin of her own. Hopefully she will open up a little more now.

"How about this, I'll answer your questions if you answer mine."

"Huh...but...uh...why?"

"Well, (1)You and the other guys, who I assume are also going to participate in this," I nodded, no way in hell was I doing this alone, "are about to invade my privacy. I think it is only fair that I get to do the same thing. (2) I know next to nothing about all of you, it is only fair really."

I contemplated this for a second. I guess it could be worse, and there is always the option of lying.

"Oh and one more thing, you guys have to hooked up to a lie detector. I mean I know you all are loyal and decent men, but you have a way of stretching the truth."

Damn it Stephanie you evil little poodle. "Fine, but you have to be hooked up to."

.......

.........

"Deal"


	8. Chapter 8

Hey everyone.

I am so sorry for the long delay. I don't really have an excuse other than writer's block.

I want to thank all of the people who reviewed, it has been a great encouragement for me.

I hope you enjoy this new chapter

Disclamer: I do not own any of the characters, I am only the reason for their pain in this story.

Enjoy, Agony Born From Bliss

* * *

Operation Save Us All- Chapter Eight

"Have you ever kissed a guy?"

"No"

_Truth_

"Have you ever thought about kissing a guy?"

"No"

_Truth_

"Have you ever made obscene pelvic gestures towards a guy?"

"What the- Steph! Enough with the guy on guy action questions! Why are you even asking this?"

"Lula broadened her horizons on porn. It was a big change in her life so she asked that I, her best friend, help her go through this tough life changing experience. Aren't I such a good person?"

"You never watched any porn videos with me when I asked you to."

"Lester, you wanted me to be _in_ the porn video with you."

"Well yeah, at least with my way you get something out of it. I could have really taught you something. We all know that the best way to learn is with hands on experience, and beautiful I have something you can really get your hands on."

I tried, I really did, but the infamous eye roll just had to make an appearance. I mean _come on_ that has got to be the most cliché line out there.

"Lester your pickup lines may work on drunk cheerleaders who wouldn't know reality if it gave them an ass slap and a lap dance, but I am a grown woman. A mature, beautiful, and smart woman who knows reality and all its dirty little secrets. I am actually a little disappointed. I thought the infamous heart-breaker Lester would have better moves than that. Then again you've never been a man of standard."

He placed a hand to his chest and his facial features twisted into a look a pain, but the slight smirk on his lips showed mirth.

"Ouch, you really know who to wound a man Stephanie."

"It's easy when in the presence of men such as yourself Santos."

"Well hell Beautiful, why the mean streak?"

"Well hell Dumbass, maybe it's because I was kidnapped, stuffed in the back of a van, gagged and bound. Oh and guess what that doesn't even cover the surface. I am constantly attacked both verbally and physically, my bank account has only fifty dollars in it, I can't cook, and the police ridicule me more than help me."

I couldn't stop. The words just kept pouring out of my mouth

"My ex-husband was a jerk-off who was getting off on my dinner table by a Barbie wannabe-Botox using- sex addicted harpy with breast implants and hair extensions. My sometimes boyfriend is a jackass at his finest moments, and, and…"

Oh God. Just shut up Steph.

"…And what Stephanie?"

Shut the hell up.

"And my best friend is a complete and total stranger."

It wasn't until I tasted the salty tears, that I realized they were there.

"Ah, shit Steph, I'm sorry. Here take this." Tissue was place in my hands and I used it to wipe the tears and blow my nose. Loudly.

The cringe from Lester told me that I didn't make a pretty picture.

Well he can suck it. He did this so he can face the consequences of a depressed puffy faced Steph.

I cleared my throat, and prayed that god of denial that I built a shrine for would grace us with her presence and help us forget this little Stephanie break down.

"So, next question?"

The smile had been gone from Lester's face for a while now and the look in his eyes told me that the smile took a little vacation to Venezuela and it was staying there.

"You know Steph, for a woman "_who knows reality and all its dirty little secrets_" you sure do spend a lot of time avoiding it."

"Why fix that which is not broken?"

"Why avoid that which can help you?

"Who is this helping?

He didn't answer me.

"I mean really, what are we getting out of this whole interrogation thing? No matter what questions you ask me or I ask you nothing is going to change. Nothing ever changes."

"Things always change Beautiful."

"Yeah, but when I'm involved it's never for the better."

The silence filled the room for several moments until Lester spoke.

"I guess it's my turn for the questioning."

"But I still have more I want to ask"

"What more is there to ask? You asked me if I sing in the shower."

He does, to Poker Face by Lady Gaga

"You asked me if I can dance"

He said he can, which technically isn't a lie. He can dance, just not very well.

I know this because he decided to give me a demonstration. Never ask me to expand on that. Trust me it's like Pandora's box, some things are better left alone.

"You asked me if I have a tattoo"

He does. It's somewhere near his shoulder, underneath his sleeve and hidden from my view.

"You asked if I ever had a pet."

It was a rabbit named Nacho. Nacho died when he was eight years old and he never got another pet after that.

"You asked if I had a favorite movie."

It's The Fox and the Hound

His favorite color is green.

He has a brother named Erik.

He secretly watches Desperate Housewives

He is an expert at Dance Dance Revolution.

He lost his virginity at fourteen to his best friend and neighbor.

And he is allergic to almonds.

I also found out that he got arrested for stealing a car when he was sixteen. He didn't go into detail as to why he did it, but I think it was to impress a girl- that's why he gave himself a wax (which left him without a left eyebrow for weeks), and a nipple piercing, which might I add he had Bobby do for him.

I know there was more to that story but he didn't budge.

I'll bring it up later.

When he's drunk.

Hehehehehe

"I still have more questions."

"But you asked so much already."

Yeah, but I barely scratched the surface with this man.

"There is still more. Unlike previous belief there is more to you than just playboy and crotch scratching"

"Hey crotch scratching is an art. You have to do it in a way where no one knows what you're doing. It's like fixing wedgies or picking your noise."

"You're disgusting Santos."

"Don't act like you haven't done it before Steph, there're cameras everywhere and Big Brother is always watching."

"You guys spied on me."

"Jewelry stores may have beautiful objects in them, but the view in your office space is much more pleasing to watch."

"I repeat, you're disgusting Santos"

"I loved to stay and let you insult me further Beautiful, but my time is up."

"You didn't ask me any questions though." Well, excluding the ones that led to my little moment.

"The guys don't trust me with anything related to emotions when it comes to you, only with handing out tissues."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because we kidnapped you and I know you are a little scared right now."

"So…what? You're here to butter me up while the guys slaughter me?"

"No, I'm here to tell you that we just want to help you Steph. We love you."

"You say that so easily."

"It isn't hard when it's right and when it's true."

I couldn't say anything or do anything other than look at him. It was the first time a man said that to me and it was truly sincere. No sarcasm, no secret agenda, and no qualification to follow it.

So this is what it feels like to be loved.

"One more question Lester. Please?"

"How about this, I'll let you ask three more questions, if you honor me with your presence this Saturday?"

"We're not going dancing are we?" I don't think I could survive dancing with him.

"Nah, just beer and some movie."

"Ghostbusters?"

"I was thinking Fox and the Hound."

"Throw in Beauty and the Beast and I'm there."

"You got yourself a date."

"And you got yourself two more questions."

"Give it to me."

"Have you ever been in love? And I mean _in _love."

He lowered his head and sighed. "I was a fool to think you would show me mercy."

"Yeah Steph I was."

_Truth_

He rolled up his sleeve and I saw that the tattoo was of the name _Elena._

"Do you still love her?"

"No"

_Lie_

He rolled down his sleeve and unhooked the lie detector. Without a word he got up and walked to the door.

" Santos."

He paused and looked at me.

"I like talking to you. We should do this again sometime…without the kidnapping and lie detector."

"We will. We got this Saturday remember? Don't forget the popcorn."

He turned again to leave

"I still have one more question Lester."

A soft 'damn' escaped his mouth and he placed his head against the door.

"What?"

"Have you ever had erectile dysfunction?"

"Only when I'm near your grandmother."

I didn't need a lie detector to tell me that was the truth.

* * *

So there it is. I am pretty sure that the questioning between Steph and Lester did not go as some of you thought it would, but that is for a reason. There is more to talk about between the two, and the questions that they had to ask in this part need yes or no answers so it made it a bit tricky. Also I apologize if the way I write is a bit confusing, I don't get much practice with it at school, and this is the only way for me to imporve to please review (but don't be to harsh, I'm only 17 and my mental state is very fragile right now)

I know some of you were looking for deeper questions between Steph and Les, but again, that will come much later. Steph wants to know more about the Merry Men, but she doesn't know what she wants to know or what she can ask. The men aren't Lula, they don't easily tell their life story. Steph isn't sure what is safe to ask and what is not. The questions for Steph are going to be harder and so are her questions for the Merry Men.

One last note: I finally have software that will correct my grammar mistakes (before I just used wordpad) I know how annoying it is to read all those mistakes since I have been there so I will update the story. I am NOT going to change the content, just the grammar.

Please Review,

Agony Born From Bliss


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